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January 24, 2017

Sean Spicer Wins World’s Largest Poker Tournament With Straight Vs. Opponent’s Flush

An exclusive picture of Spicer’s win, provided by the man himself

Washington, D.C. – Newly appointed White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, according to a press release he penned personally, has just won the largest poker tournament in history.

Spicer decided to take an excursion from the White House to a poker room in nearby Maryland this past Sunday, where he participated in the room’s daily tournament.

Regulars in the tournament say it rarely has more than 3-4 tables’ worth of players, but according to Spicer’s press release, about 1.5 million players turned up on Sunday.

This number may seem outlandish, but we decided not to look into it further because it was printed on White House letterhead and therefore it must be true.

The press release was accompanied by pictures of the event, which to observant readers looked suspiciously like the Amazon room during the 2006 World Series Of Poker Main Event.

The press release ends on Spicer’s account of the final hand of the tournament, in which he beat his opponent’s flush with his own straight. At a press conference, a journalist informed Spicer that a straight doesn’t actually beat a flush. He responded aggressively, assuring the crowd that his account of the events was simply based on alternative facts.

Before storming off, Spicer assured the public that all that really matters is that “this was the largest field to ever play a poker tournament, period.

ALSO READ: Work To Begin On White House Hotel, Casino & Racetrack On January 21

 

Article credit: Matt Kaufman