Cobra CommanderAnother strike against online poker’s hopes for federal regulation in the lame duck: COBRA head Cobra Commander published an open letter to Congress today demanding that they not support the Reid/Kyl bill.

The letter, addressed to the majority and minority leaders of the House and the Senate, marks the first word on the issue of online poker from Cobra Command.

“You incompetent fools!” opens the Cobra Commander’s letter. “Anyone can see that Reid/Kyl has the constitutionality of a vending machine!”


The Commander’s message was muddied somewhat by subsequent reports that Destro has applied for an online poker license in Nevada. Nevada’s support for federal regulation – and for Reid/Kyl – makes it a natural enemy of anyone who opposes federal regulation.

Asked for comment on these reports, Cobra Commander replied: “Destro, you incompetent steel-head! Your bungling has cost me dearly!”

Cobra Commander’s letter to Congress contains a number of consequences should Reid/Kyl become law, including:

  • A mighty hail of poorly aimed blue-tinted laser fire.
  • The unleashing of a Serpentor Super Pac in the 2014 elections.
  • Million Dreadnoks March to descend on Washington by hovercraft.
  • Two words: Weather Dominator.

Despite these threats, supporters of Reid/Kyl seemed to brush off the Commander’s demands. “Fat chance we’ll listen to old snake-breath,” said bill co-sponsor Harry “Gung Ho” Reid.

“Let him try!” Reid continued. “Me and ol’ Dusty (John Kyl) will have them packin’ back to Cobra Island faster than McConnell can say filibuster.”

Find a full copy of the Commander’s letter below:

Cobra Commander image: Ewen RobertsCC Attribution 2.0 Generic.