Coronavirus Poker

A search for new locations to quarantine Americans who have been exposed to coronavirus has lead the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to announce that the Commerce Casino in Los Angeles will act as a quarantine in the coming months.

A CDC official explained:

“The Commerce is one of few businesses in the country that is large enough to hold thousands of people at a time, and simultaneously has tremendous experience dealing with Americans who lack the basic personal hygiene skills to limit their own risk.”

We asked a Commerce spokesperson to explain the casino’s plan to accommodate:

“We actually don’t really have to do anything differently. Players often hang out for a while without leaving anyway, and we’ve always provided hand sanitizer – no one used it before the outbreak, and no one’s using it now.”

BCP talks to man

A man who a dealer believed was already quarantined agreed to answer a few questions for us before we departed the casino.

BonusCodePoker: Why do you feel the Commerce is a safe place to be right now?
Man: Why wouldn’t it be safe? I’m here all the time… only been mugged twice.
BonusCodePoker: … how long have you been here since arriving?
Man: I got here on… Saturday.
BonusCodePoker: So it’s been 4 days?
Man: 11, actually.
BonusCodePoker: How were you exposed to the coronavirus in that case? There were no known cases in this area 11 days ago.
Man: What’s the coronavirus?

NOTE TO READERS: We rarely point out that our content is satire, but in this case we want to be absolutely clear – the Commerce is not quarantining anyone, and the above is not real. Thanks for reading, and wash your damn hands.

Also read: Stones Attorney Who Claims “No Cheating” Took Place Turns Out To Be Mike Postle In A Mustache

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