Casino To Experiment With Complimentary IV Drips For Poker Players
Atlantic City, NJ – Amidst growing financial concerns and an effort to remove the need for players to stop playing, ever, the Boardwalk Casino announced today that it will offer complimentary food and nicotine IV drips to players.
Citing a rampant problem of players being in games but selfishly taking breaks from playing, players can now have their non-dominant arms dosed with enough nutrients to sustain human life healthfully for eight hours and/or a saline solution with the nicotine equivalent of four cigarettes.
“It’s the next step in service,” said poker room manager Nick Mosier who has patented the process tentatively being called PokerFuel™.
“Players will no longer have to time their needs to the whims of the dealer button. Instead, a steady flow of nutrition and legal pharmaceuticals will allow them to continue playing almost indefinitely.”
Specially trained cocktail servers will insert the leads into each player who requests one. Though finding a suitable vein can be challenging, Mosier was confident that there would be relatively few problems.
“I mean, they pull off lethal injections without a doctor, and the stakes are MUCH higher in that situation than this one. Besides, anyone administering our PokerFuel™ IVs has received a whole weekend of training prior to being allowed to perform the service,” he said. He then turned away from a patron’s leads being inserted, citing a weak stomach.
Our sources also indicate that casino management is attempting to introduce catheters and colostomy bags to the poker room, but they’re still “working out the kinks.”
Article credit: Staff