Former FTP Head Lederer In Desperate Need of Hair Transplant
LAS VEGAS — Following the shocking news that former Full Tilt Poker chief Ray Bitar needs a heart transplant, lawyers for Howard Lederer revealed their client is in a similarly critical medical situation.
“I’ll get right to the point,” said Ross Munster, a member of Lederer’s legal team. “Our client is in immediate and unavoidable need of a hair transplant.”
Sources close to Lederer indicated to us that if Lederer does not receive the transplant within the next 6 to 12 months, there is a good chance he will go completely bald.
“What you’re looking at with Lederer,” said local Hair Group for Men franchise owner Sherman McCay, “is a Class IV hair transplant patient with advanced androgenic alopecia.”
“In layman’s terms,” McCay continued, “Dude is lookin’ pretty [expletive] bald.”
Lederer’s options are somewhat limited. Experts said his best chance for a hair donor would have been Chris “Jesus” Ferguson. But Ferguson reportedly committed all of his spare hair to Erick Lindgren prior to Black Friday.
While other surgical options exist, Lederer’s situation is purportedly complicated by his recent deal with the US Department of Justice.
“Mr. Lederer surrendered nearly all of his liquid assets to the US Government,” said Munster.
“If they won’t refund part of that settlement to facilitate this urgent need for treatment, our client will be forced to wear a baseball cap for the rest of his life. Or maybe even one of those novelty visors with the hair sewn in.”
Article credit: Staff