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April 23, 2013

Wizard of Oz Grants Ray Bitar’s Request for a New Heart

Ray Bitar Gets New Heart From WizardEMERALD CITY — A sudden change of luck for Ray Bitar today, as the Wizard of Oz has reportedly agreed to grant the embattled former Full Tilt head’s request for a new heart.

Bitar’s latest adventure began when, days after Bitar reached a Black Friday plea deal with the DoJ, a tornado swept up Bitar’s now-government-owned house with Bitar inside, transporting him (and his dog Isai) to the magical land of Oz.

There, Bitar was greeted by a group of micro-stakes players called the “LAGGYHUD Guild,” who informed him that his house had landed on – and killed – Anidooke, the Wicked Witch of the Epic West.

From that point, Bitar set his sights on the Emerald City, home to his one hope for a new heart: The Great and Powerful Oz.

Bitar was accompanied by Howard Lederer and Mike Matusow, who had their own requests for the Wizard.

Sources close to the trio tell BCPoker that Lederer asked the Wizard for a new brain, while Matusow’s sole request was a souvenir fanny pack.

The trio braved myriad threats on the path to Oz, including a pack of Flying Bhararas sent by the Wicked Witch for the Southern District of New York (SDNY).

Worse, after arriving at the Emerald City, Bitar learned that the Wizard charged several thousand dollars per heart – and that Wizard-related financial transactions were illegal in Oz.

Thankfully, Bitar thought quickly and partnered, partnering with an Oz banker willing to mis-code the transaction in exchange for a fee.

Representatives for the Wizard dismissed speculation that Oz would also restore US balances at Full Tilt Poker to their rightful owners, saying: “Oz is a magician, not a miracle worker.”

MORE FTP NEWS: Howard Lederer In Desperate Need of Hair Transplant.

Article credit: Staff