New game Drawmageucy introduced

Las Vegas, NV – Oh, fuck me, here we go again. Just when you thought you had sorta figured out how to play Hold ‘Em or Omaha, here comes some new ratchet ass nonsense that you have to wrap your head around.

Five years ago it was Chinese Poker. Remember that? Yeah, what happened to Chinese? Oh, that’s right Shaun Deeb won all the money so now no one plays for shit.

Then three years ago, everyone got super thirsty for DFS. How’d that work out? Everyone still making those lineups every week? And last year everyone was a Crypto expert despite no one having a goddamn clue what Crypto even is.

An attempt to explain Drawmageucy

And now it’s this shit. Oh, you’re wondering how to play Drawmageucy? Well, good luck learning the rules for this shitstorm of a game — or around children, a “poopalooza.” But whatever, here goes nothing.

Drawmageucy starts with four fucking goddamn decks. I wish I was joking. Each player is then dealt 15 cards, has to discard 8 of them and then lay the remaining cards down like a 7-card Stud hand with 4 cards facing up and 3 facing down.

Then THEN, listen to this shit. Three flops, turns and rivers are dealt simultaneously — and there’s a round of betting after each. The flop betting is limit. The turn betting is pot limit. And the river is no limit because honestly who gives a fuck anymore?

The player can THEN decide whether to use their four UP cards in their Omaha hand or their three DOWN cards for their Omaha hand. BUT the Four UP cards must be used for the Badugi portion of the pot.

A third of the pot goes to the high hand, a third goes to the low hand, and the last third goes to the fucking Badugi hand. AND there’s three boards.

Pretty simple right? Yeah, no big deal. It’s basically Go Fish.

Every hand takes an hour and a half and often times the dealers quit by fourth street. Sometimes the pot has to be split nine ways.

More often than not Men the Master comes over to berate the dealers even though he’s over in the corner playing Razz.

Top poker pros weigh in

I headed over to the high stakes area to get the thoughts of several pros and hear why exactly they play this dumpster fire of a game. I literally walked up to see John Robert-Bellande losing a $6.5 million pot to Matt Kirk.

Gus Hansen had this to say about the game, “Drawmageucy is sorta a mouthful to say, so a lot of us have just been calling it ‘Big D’ for short. I’ll let you take a guess at who came up with ‘Big D’ as the nickname.”

Phil Ivey then added, ”Yeah, I like it. Dramageucy is pretty much the best game going right now. The pots get pretty big ya know. So I enjoy it.”

Wow, riveting sound bite there, Jerome. Fascinating viewpoint.

Finally, Leon Tsoukernick had this to say, “I only learned to play this game two nights ago, but I’m already stuck $15 million. But I don’t plan on paying my debts, so I’m actually breaking even.”

Oh, Leon, you scallywag, you. Anyway, there you have it. While the rest of us are making like fucking $10 an hour, these degens are here punting off a million like the world’s on fire.

But, hey, at least now you know the rules. So good luck I guess until the next fad comes along. I’m outta here.

Also read: 5 Guys Who Definitely Have No Shot At Catching Hellmuth