Following the backlash from the triple-zero roulette wheels he introduced at his casino properties, billionaire Sheldon Adelson has announced his intentions to make things right with his customers.

Adelson dismissed the notion that his casino had turned into what many are now referring to his properties as a clip joint.

“A clip joint? That’s an outrageous accusation, we haven’t had a house barber in over five years,” Adelson bellowed.

Las Vegas press defends Adelson’s decision

Adelson produced 10 separate articles that recently appeared in the Las Vegas Review-Journal by way of a new reporter named Alan Sheldonson. Each of the columns quoted gamblers as loving the new roulette games.

Here’s a look at some of the positive responses complied by Sheldonson.

“The new roulette wheels offer even more betting opportunities. What a great idea.”

“I love betting zeroes. Now I’m twice as likely to hit!” 

“The wheel has a lot more color on it now.”

We tried to contact Sheldonson to ask him why there were no negative comments about the new games in his reporting, but he’s hard to get in touch with.

Speaking to LVRJ reporter Alan Sheldonson

After two weeks of daily phone calls we were finally able to get him on the phone. Sheldonson, who sounds an awful lot like Sheldon Adelson, told BCP he was unable to locate anyone who didn’t like the new triple-zero roulette tables.

Despite all the positive feedback, we were told Adelson felt he should give back, and really reward all of the gamblers that have made him among the richest people in the world.

According to Adelson, all of his casino properties around the world have started paying an unheard of 10-1 on all blackjacks at select tables, because “it’s not all about money.”

When pressing for details on the new blackjack tables, BCP was quickly shooed out of Adelson’s office situated below water level on Crab Key, off the coast of Jamaica. Following what we were told was a standard decontamination procedure to make sure none of Sheldon Adelson’s life force was able to sneak off the island and infect other humans, we ran into Sands Corp. new head of fleecing, Sky Masterson.

Adelson’s new 10-1 blackjack tables

Masterson, who was going through our personal belongings when we found him, told BCP, the new “player-friendly” payouts were made possible by making a small tweak to the decks of cards used at the company’s blackjack tables.

“What we’ve done is remove all of the odd number card values from the deck,” Masterson told BCP. “All of the aces, threes, fives, sevens, and nines have been removed.”

Masterson went on to call the new games, “a real moneymaker” so far.

Masterson, a fast-talking charismatic man, landed the job thanks to his previous experience working in the homeopathy industry and for the Donald Trump campaign. A Sands HR source we spoke with said Masterson was one of the three finalists for the job. The other finalists were former UltimateBet and Epic Poker League rep Annie Duke, and a former CEO of a major energy company, Kenneth Lay.

Once back on the mainland we were able to visit one of Adelson’s casinos – sadly, we were not allowed to keep the futuristic Nehru Suits we were given when we met with Adelson.

One player who seemed to be enjoying the new tables told BCP he was a bit surprised he hadn’t hit a blackjack yet, but he knew one would be coming soon.

“This is my third eight-hour session since they changed to the new decks,”  the man, who identified himself as Willie Evercatchon said. “I haven’t hit a blackjack yet, but I’m due for a huge rush, so I’ve been upping my bets.”