WSOP Desperately Trying To Hype Imminent Final Table Of Nobodies
The World Series of Poker Main Event is drawing to a close, and the PR team at Caesars are frantically trying to salvage some interest from the final 27 players.
Three tables of mostly-silent, mostly-mid-twenties, mostly-white, mostly-American, all-male players with more ICM and Nash Equilibrium chops than charisma or mass appeal will play down to a final table today. The last nine players will reconvene in November, a publicity move that the WSOP is blindly continuing because it’s just easier, OK?
“We’re really excited about our final table line-up this year,” said WSOP spokesperson Beth Plonksy. “This set of everyman poker players in hoodies and jeans who came up through the online ranks is as exciting as any set of everyman poker players in hoodies and jeans who came up through the online ranks that we’ve ever had.”
You can watch all the interesting players, controversial figures, entertaining tablemates, women and ethnic minorities get knocked out of the tournament before the final table on ESPN from August.
Our final table prediction
Seat 1: The online pro that no one outside of Two Plus Two has ever heard of
Seat 2: The other online pro that no one outside of Two Plus Two has ever heard of
Seat 3: The middle-aged live player who somehow raised “to see where he was at” all the way to the November Nine
Seat 4: The former online pro who dropped out of poker but is making a cool comeback this year (that no one outside Two Plus Two has ever heard of)
Seat 5: The average Joe who plays average poker and has little to no charisma
Seat 6: The eastern European grinder that no one outside or inside Two Plus Two has ever heard of
Seat 7: Ugh, that really annoying guy. How is he still in?
Seat 8: The really loud foreigner
Seat 9: The old man who somehow nitted his way here by getting aces and kings every other hand
Article credit: Matt Perry