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March 12, 2020

2020 WSOP Canceled, Awards All 101 Bracelets to Phil Hellmuth

WSOP Braclets 2020

Las Vegas, NV – Breaking news here at the top of the hour. Caesar’s Entertainment, the parent company of the World Series of Poker has suspended the WSOP and instead simply awarded all 101 bracelets to Phil Hellmuth.

The announcement sent literal shockwaves through the poker community with many players describing it as “ridiculous,” “undeserved,” and “standard.”

Hellmuth on board with decision

“Many of my fellow players might feel that my getting these bracelets is unfair,” announced Hellmuth from inside a hazmat suit from a secure bunker on an undisclosed location on the moon.

“But I can tell you with 100% certainty that I was going to win every event at the WSOP this summer anyway. I always knew that I would win 116 bracelets before it was all said and done, and here’s the proof, baby!”

Caesars is unsure whether the WSOP will take place later in the year or simply be postponed until 2021, assuming society still exists at such a date.

Poker’s elite react to Hellmuth’s 16th,17th, 18th….. 117th bracelets

Many poker players voiced their displeasure both about the cancellation of the series and with Phil Hellmuth being awarded the bracelets.

“This will be the first summer I haven’t been out there grinding day in and day out,” commented Daniel Negreanu.

“Damn. I really felt like 2020 was going to be my year!” exclaimed Dmitri Nobles.

“What’s the coronavirus?” inquired Phil Ivey.

“Literally 50 people gave me 20 to 1 on my WSOP prop bet. I have more money than Jeff Bezos,” noted Doug Polk.

“Who remembers me?” added John D’Agostino.

The bracelets awarded to Hellmuth would have given him 116 and a new place in the record books, however, recent reports say that Hellmuth might be stripped of the 14 online gold bracelet events bringing his total bracelets down to 102.

Enraged over losing these bracelets, Hellmuth has vowed to boycott the 2020 WSOP.

NOTE TO READERS: We rarely point out that our content is satire, but in this case we want to be absolutely clear – the above is not real. Thanks for reading, and wash your damn hands.

Also read: CDC Adds Commerce Casino As Newest Coronavirus Quarantine Location

Article credit: Richard Power