WILLEMSTAD, CURACAO – The last few days have been rough on the hearts of many 2+2 members. After revelations from members regarding confiscation of winning poker funds, several 2+2ers have locked themselves in their rooms with tubs of ice cream and stacks of romantic comedies. As it turns out, GGPoker is just like all the other poker sites.

Officials at GGPoker headquarters in Curacao have reported a dramatic uptick in demonstrations outside their main offices. Apparently, people keep showing up outside their gates to hold boomboxes over their heads and play the entirety of Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill album at full volume.

GGPoker’s mail room has also been deluged by angry and tear-streaked letters, asking how the site could behave so selfishly. There have even been some boxes of chocolates and perfume delivered to the building.

“I don’t understand it,” said one GGPoker employee. “That perfume isn’t even our brand.”

We spoke with several psychologists who all agreed that self-care is important when coping with a breakup with a significant other or impersonal poker site.

“People on the wrong end of a split, regardless of whether it’s with a romantic relationship or a heartless exchange where you try to take other people’s money, have to heal themselves,” said Gail Tribble, a licensed psychotherapist. “You need to make sure to eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sunshine.”

When told that doing those things could be fatal to the livelihood of a typical online poker player, Tribble appeared to be at a loss.

“Oh! Well… I’m not sure, in that case… maybe just get over it and learn that poker sites aren’t your friends?

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