They said nothing would eclipse the WallStreetBets story this week, but slap my ass and call me Charlie, it has happened.
During Wednesday’s High Stakes Feud session, Doug Polk was completely beside himself both during and after Negreanu began “tanking” in response to Doug Polk’s new “limp” strategy.
While some believed Negreanu was using a legitimate strategy within the confines of the game, turns out Polk just thinks Negreanu is being a dick.
Despite having Wednesday night to cool off and Phil Galfond playing the role of keeping Polk from using the nuclear codes, Polk was still in quite the mood on Thursday morning, laying out scores of new demands before he will agree to continue the match. The aim of the demands, we are told, is not only to speed up the match but to make Negreanu’s life a living hell.
As the pinnacle of investigative journalism, BonusCodePoker was able to exclusively obtain a partial list of Polk’s latest gripes. We’re told by a reliable source the actual number of demands is higher than the current price of GameStop but that the camp only wanted to trial-balloon a handful that they felt were the more “reasonable” of the list.
Polk is reportedly angry that Negreanu continues to wear tank tops to the sessions, privately telling advisors that Negreanu not only copied his style but that Negreanu’s body temperature is “way too ideal.” Polk, a proud sporter of tank tops himself, claims that his sound-proof office provides extra insulation and that he is “always kind of a little bit warm.”
Four-color decks are another casualty of the fallout from Wednesday’s session. “Decks using the green and blue colors simply make it too easy to distinguish cards.” Citing a record-low misclick percentage over the last few sessions and being colorblind, Polk thinks this rule is long overdue.
With the pandemic currently raging on and all hands on deck for the challenge, the time that Polk and Negreanu spend with their significant others is a welcome respite from the daily grind.
Extremely reliable sources tell us that Polk’s girlfriend is in quarantine and the time away has adversely affected his emotional well-being. Furthermore, Polk is all-too-aware of the 2016 Harvard landmark study on heads-up challenges which concluded that poker players perform 34% better within 6 hours of a handjob.
Regardless, Polk headquarters did clarify that only “wives” are applicable to the news, reportedly saying “girlfriends come and go.”
Recognizing that Negreanu’s skill level has been increasing exponentially, Polk has “had it up to here” — with the Polk team raising their hand about five feet — with Negreanu continually consulting with “his guys” after the sessions to plug leaks.
They will use the very-reliable Hendon Mob results and some guy’s hand histories from 2018 to determine who meets the criteria. Poker training sites and 2+2 forums are also banned from Negreanu referencing them.
Fortunately for Negreanu, Polk is willing to make exceptions for r/poker and Mike Matusow.
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