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October 24, 2019

Mike Postle To Unveil Phone Carrier for Crotch-based Usage

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Poker deity Mike Postle has announced plans for a line of phone carriers that would allow players around the world to emulate his unique style. The carrier, a holster-style device that lays flat on the player’s chair between his or her legs, will be sold under the brand name Crotch Cradle.

Postle said that he came up with the idea during his run of success at Stones Gambling Hall – a run that exceeded any reasonable expectations. He said that having his phone between his legs was “instrumental” to his success, and the Crotch Cradle will make it easier to run hotter than the sun.

How the Crotch Cradle works

A Crotch Cradle rides in the small of the player’s back while he or she is standing or walking. However, when the player goes to sit down, a lift of a simple latch drops the device holder into an optimal position with a durable strap.

The player can then pull the strap between his or her legs so that the holder clips comfortably on their seat, just below their genitals. Each Crotch Cradle comes with a lead insert for the player’s undergarments to guard against the incipient risk of testicular or ovarian cancer from long-term mobile device exposure.

“It’s great for the serious player,” said Postle. “With the Crotch Cradle, you’ll never miss a tweet or RFID signal again.”

Postle went on to say that the first 100 purchasers of the Crotch Cradle will receive a Mike Postle signature cap – absolutely free! This stylish garment comes in 4 different colors and has extra loops to hold bone conduction headphones already in place.

“This combination is a must-have for players who want to dominate the competition in low-limit streamed games,” Postle remarked. “In no time, you’ll be making impossible laydowns and bluffing in the thinnest of spots with the Crotch Cradle!”

Also read: Bored Poker Community Kinda Wishing Mike Postle Would Start Cheating Again

Article credit: Bart Shirley