The Top 11 Lies Poker Players Tell Their Families At Thanksgiving

By Partick Spewing
April 2, 2022
Spending Time With Family at Thanksgiving as a poker player

Spending Time With Family at Thanksgiving as a poker player

Ah, Thanksgiving. That time of the year when we as poker players have to rack our brains to rehearse what we are going to say when Aunt Sharon asks if you have found a real job yet. Well, have you, Fedor?

In an exhaustive BonusCodePoker study conducted over the course of about 30 minutes, we interviewed hundreds of poker players (actually, just the two players that were sitting on either side of me at the $1/$3 table this morning) about what they plan on telling their families when they sit down for their belly-busting meal on Thanksgiving and *those* questions start flying.

1. I’d love to go play blackjack with Uncle Rick and see his system

This has got to be that elusive system I have been searching for! Plus, you’ll forget this invite by the time the pumpkin pie is served and I won’t see Uncle Rick until next Thanksgiving.

2. Yeah, I can tell what you’re thinking right now because you have a bad poker face

And I don’t need to be Daniel Negreanu to know that I might as well be speaking some foreign language like some idiot from Northern Europe.

Related: I always know what everyone has.

3. I’ll probably be on TV soon, actually

Only a white lie, as you’ve heard rumors they are going to send a film crew to next month’s $100 buy-in H.O.R.S.E. event.

4. I get health insurance through the casino

Partially true. Those nasty complimentary sandwiches are better than anything I would eat at home. That counts, right?

5. You’ll find operating rooms dirtier than most poker rooms

Of course, I wouldn’t spend all day in a dirty environment full of grifters.

6. I meet lots of potential dates at the tables

Thankfully, they don’t know enough about poker to understand that 98% of poker players are male. fml

7. I’m looking at getting into drugs

If they will see you as doing something that is equivalent to dealing drugs, at least they can probably relate better.

8. Yes, I want to sit at the kid’s table. They understand me there

Between talk of backpacking across Europe, the meteoric rise of their 401ks, and debate on the greatest president we have ever had, I don’t have a lot to add at the “main game” and, fortunately, this table isn’t a “must-move.”

9. Of course, I know the correct cards to hold in every situation at Jacks-Or-Better; I am a poker pro after all

They seem vaguely interested in this! How long can I stretch this out for before the conversation turns to my future plans. HOLD. HOLD. HOLD.

Related: I have teeth. I have health insurance.

10. I only play games where I have an edge – I always leave if the other players are good and never play table games or slots

That was my twin you saw at the craps table during $10 Friday Buffet night. They were chanting my name? … Oh, you’re my mom and I only have a sister?

11. That is a GTO way to eat that Thanksgiving meal

No gravy on the stuffing!? Amateurs.

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