Farmington, WI – “Pay heem. Pay that may his money.”
Such was the declaration from 60-year-old Artie this weekend at a local Kwik Trip. It was just another example of Artie showing off his rare and only talent.
Artie’s ability to quote the classic poker film has earned him countless laughs and smiles from his friends and even more countless rejections from random players at the local poker room.
“I don’t know how I got so good at it, that’s how I tap em tight.” Artie told BCP this weekend in an exclusive interview.
“I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I have watched the movie roughly every week or so for the past 25 years. Also, might I add, I have an absolute shitload of free time because I am extremely retired.”
And Artie ain’t joking. Further investigation shows that he has a table image of hitting 2 outers on the river,
“I guess you could say I’m pretty skilled at running my HOA,” added Artie who was somehow not being sarcastic. Seriously. Like, he sounded smug about it. How is that even possible?
Artie is a 60-year-old liberal arts major from the University of Phoenix, which just… yikes.
“I’m also not dating anyone right now because women are the rake,” he added.
BCP was able to get in touch with a local buisnessman named Bill the Beast who interviewed Artie a few months back.
“Yeah, I remember him,” said Bill. “He walks in and first thing he says is ‘This is beautiful. Welcome to the Chesterfield South. Come all the way to Atlantic City just to see your mugs, huh?’ I just assumed he was on meth though since this is rural Wisconsin and he’s a liberal arts major. But then the whole interview was like that! When I told him he probably wasn’t going to get the job he responded with ‘Oh, knowledge is my reward, sir.’ What a mope.”
No one knows how Artie is managing to stay afloat while not working, but many suspect brotherly support. Bill has also stated that he has plans on playing poker for money one day.
“I’m actually a pretty good little poker player myself. Round these parts I’ve even earned the nickname ‘The Beast’ because of my skills.”
There’s really nothing we can say besides that both those statements are categorically not true.
After a lengthy discussion, BCP left the interview by telling Artie good luck in his job search. His response?
“People insist on calling it luck.”
So nevermind.
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