The Final Poker Table From Hell! Poker’s Baddest-Ass Line Up!

By Ian John
August 15, 2023
High Stakes Poker Season 9 Featuring Daniel Negreanu, Bryn Kenney, Tom Dwan, Doyle Brunson, Phil Ivey and more.

There are plenty of players that court controversy in the world of poker. But who would make the Final Table of the tournament from hell?!

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    By that, we mean a tournament where on the biggest, baddest, grumpiest, most miserable, whiniest and down-right most aggravating players in the world compete.

    And from that extensive line up, who would make it to one of the eight seats available at the final table and why?

    Fortunately, you won’t have to come across any of these players while playing at bet365 Poker. That is a much friendlier environment to learn and play the game!

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    But sometimes poker can take a darker turn and some players reputation precedes them.

    So here is our selections for the final table that would be a fitting conclusion to the poker tournament from hell!

    The Poker Tournament From Hell – Final Table

    Seat 1 – Dan Bilzerian – Poker’s Playboy

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bC-jGDAhDkw

    Dan Bilzerian is something of an enigma. A mis-mash of paradoxes and cliches. He claims to have made his millions playing poker, though many in the poker community doubt that.

    However, his controversial views, the fact he can’t travel anywhere without at least five beautiful women at his side, his ridiculous spending sprees and his involvement in a number of scandals, such as kicking a model in the face, throwing a model off a roof and breaking her ankle and more, make him an ideal selection in the first seat here.

    Admittedly, if the poker professionals are right, then given his questionable poker skills Bilzerian may not last too long in this company. But with five beautiful girls in tow, is he going to be that bothered?

    Seat 2 – Martin Kabrehl – Czech Mate

    YouTube video

    Martin Kabrehl is arguably one of the most antagonistic poker players currently plying his trade as a professional.

    Already ostracised from his home Czech poker tour, Kabrehl has continued his annoying antics across Europe and into North American in a number of big money tournaments and high-roller events.

    Aside from his continual chatting to and annoying of opponents, belittling them when he has chance, he will argue with rules officials, referees, the crowd and anyone at the table if he believes it will give him an edge.

    At the 2023 WSOP High Roller event, Kabrehl continually broke rules by standing up to look at an opponents stack, although other players at the table felt he was trying to see potentially marked cards. An investigation is ongoing into that controversy.

    Dan Smith summed up his feelings when after being eliminated from the tournament he wished the other players at the table good luck and said to Kabrehl “I hope you get barred”.

    Kabrehl thus earns a place in this illustrious and grump company!

    Seat 3Archie Karas – The Greek Who Won And Lost It All

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLQ2jkZhh2U&t=29s

    Karas is not a player that earned his reputation as a hot-head or someone who breaks the rules.

    The Greek is included at this table here because he is the one player in history that has never been afraid to make bets that would make even the wealthiest of high-rollers eyes water.

    The man behind “The Run” where he gambled $50 up to a multi-million dollar fortune, before losing it all, Karas legendary status as the man who would bet any amount, on anything, makes him an ideal player for this event.

    It would be hugely interesting to see how other players would react if Karas’ luck started to turn the tide in his favour at this final table!

    Seat 4 – Dave Ulliott – The British Devilfish

    YouTube video

    When he wasn’t cracking other people’s pocket aces, as a youngster Devilfish was earning a reputation for himself as a safe-cracker! He famously felt cheated out of £5,000 by a local bookmaker, but went back in the evening and removed the shops safe and carted it back home in a pram!

    Fortunately, as well as these nefarious schemes, Ulliot could also play poker and he became one of the biggest names on the UK Poker Scene in the 1990s and 2000s.

    Sadly no longer with us, we’d have to keep a spot open for the Devilfish.

    Seat 5 – Mike Matusow – The Mouth

    YouTube video

    Despite success at the poker tables, Mike “The Mouth” Matusow has had some tough times in life with health and drug issues and even a six-month spell in jail.

    However it is his spiky moments at the table with other players that lands him a spot at the final table here.

    His argument and rivalry with Shawn Sheikhan, who barely misses out on a spot here himself, at the 2005 WSOP is part of poker lore.

    Matusow has had run ins with Phil Hellmuth and plenty of other players, including Greg Raymer and Ed Foster famously at the 2004 WSOP Main Event.

    He’ll certainly keep the talk flowing around the table with this group of hot-headed poker individuals!

    Seat 6 – Ivan Freitez – Angle Shooting Extraordinaire

    Angle-shooting in poker is not against the rules, but it is against the spirit of the game and won’t win you any friends at the tables.

    Ivan Freitez didn’t seem to care about this when he became famous at the 2011 EPT Grand Final tournament in a hand against Eugene Yanayt.

    Freitez made a full house on the river, and when Yanayt bet, Freitez immediately announced a raise, but then corrected himself saying that he only intended to call.

    The Venezuelan had used this angle-shooting tactic throughout the tournament and he used it to make his opponent call the raise.

    Despite being warned by the referee that this is what Freitez had done while holding the nuts throughout the tournament, Yanayt called the raise and lost the hand.

    Freitez though, didn’t care. And he’d make a career of angle shooting, hence his place at this table.

    YouTube video

    Seat 7 – Tony Guoga – Tony G

    Tony G’s antics at the table is the stuff of poker legend. Never afraid to speak his mind, Tony G proved that he was not just a first class poker player, but an equally gifted wind-up merchant too.

    He would rubbish another player’s strategies and skills, blame dealers when he felt he wasn’t getting much luck from the cards, complain to anybody and everybody when things were going against him and then celebrate loudly and belittle others when he won.

    Remember when Tony G called out ALL of Russia? Yeah. That’s kind of his M.O.

    And that’s why he has his seat reserved here.

    Seat 8Phil Hellmuth – The Poker Brat (Chip Leader!)

    Of course, no final table from hell would be complete without the Poker Brat.

    Phil Hellmuth’s WSOP bracelet haul has to be respected. He is an immense poker player, one of the very best ever.

    But my word, he is certainly the greatest ever poker moaner there has ever been.

    Phil never plays badly. It is always bad luck, the other player getting lucky as to why he loses. His foul-mouthed tirades when he loses hands are now almost obligatory.

    So much so he has almost become a caricature of himself.

    Therefore, Hellmuth has to be at the table and we’ll give him the honour of being chip leader too!

    YouTube video

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