Stones Attorney Who Claims “No Cheating” Took Place Turns Out To Be Mike Postle In A Mustache
Northern California, CA – Wow, a literal bombshell was dropped this morning when a representative from Stones’ Gambling Hall announced they had found no evidence whatsoever of wrongdoing by Mike Postle. Also, the representative was Mike Postle.
Sporting a devilishly handsome handlebar mustache, the representative added that Mike Postle was the best poker player the casino had ever seen and that he is the biggest winner in UltimateBet history and that his leg hurts sometimes so please leave him alone.
The statement from Stones’ goes on to say the following:
“After extensively reviewing the security footage and then completely destroying it, Stones was able to determine that Mike Postle is completely innocent of all charges, your Honor. Even if he did do something wrong, what’s the big deal? He probably needs the money. The security footage also informed us that Mike is very handsome and one of Sacremento’s most eligible bachelors. The defense rests. Objection!”
Poker world still has its doubts
Needless to say, many in the poker community took umbrage with the statement. Several players took to social media to voice their displeasure.
“There’s just no way this guy’s innocent!” announced Doug Polk in a rare YouTube video.
“This is such a slap in the face to the entire poker community,” noted Matt Berkey in between 4 sets of 10 of 315 lb. deadlifts.
“I’m all offended out at this point,” announced Justin Bonomo while probably eating soy.
“This shirt is so tight I can feel my pulse in my eyes,” added Phil Hellmuth while tilting his head, smiling, and holding his hands out like he just got five gold stars in pre-K.
Samantha Abernathy added, “Remember me? I sure came and went, didn’t I?”
Shortly after the Stones’ statement was released, Joey Ingram began a 96-hour live stream session where he broke down everything that has ever happened since the dawn of time.
Mike Postle maintains his innocence and is planning to represent himself in court which has always worked out great for others. Postle is also the 2016 Ante Up Poker Tour Player of the Year and the latest ambassador for Lock Poker.
For more information on the backlash, you can tune in to your favorite poker podcast since every poker player is now required by law to have one.
Article credit: Pete Carter