LAS VEGAS – With tensions between poker superstar Daniel Negreanu and former poker sorta-star Doug Polk continuing to rise, a powerful voice of reason has emerged. 15-time WSOP bracelet winner Phil Hellmuth has offered to serve as the mediator in a series of discussions between the two warring poker factions. “I can think of no one more suited for the job,” said Hellmuth, of himself. “No other player has more experience with threats to shove objects up one’s [rectum].” The offer came after one of poker’s greatest traditions – Polk mercilessly trolling Negreanu on social media – added another chapter. A live stream tirade against a chat troll from Negreanu led Polk to release a video mocking Negreanu’s Masterclass (and also for Negreanu to be banned from Twitch, a platform with basically no rules outside of “don't threaten anyone” where users have literally watched a fish play pokemon). Hellmuth thinks the whole thing is a bit out of hand. “Obviously, I’m disturbed by the profanity and vulgarity that [Negreanu] exhibited in the live stream. That kind of language is a poor example for impressionable kids who might be watching,” he said. “At the same time, I thought it was an unfortunate decision that [Polk] made. Who among us hasn’t said something out of character or painted their face in a racially-insensitive manner from time to time?” Hellmuth says that if both players agree, he plans to host the summits in his Zen garden. “That’s the source of my unflappable inner peace,” he said. “I hope it works for them.”

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