Vanessa Rousso Announces Poker Retirement A Mere 9 Years After Everyone Thought She Did

By Pete Carter
February 14, 2022

Vanessa Rousso Retires

Las Vegas, NV – Wow, unbelievable, another Vanessa gone.

Former PokerStars Pro Vanessa Rousso announced her retirement from the game of poker today. The news sent shockwaves through the poker community, namely because everyone kinda thought she retired like 8 or 9 years ago.

The news comes on the heels of retirement announcements from several other poker pros like Vanessa Selbst, Harrison Gimble, and Dmitri Nobles.

Rousso initially rose to fame in 2006 after, uh, I guess almost making the final table of a WPT Championships? She was then given a multi-million dollar sponsorship deal because evidently online poker sites were just punting money at basically anyone who knew the rules. Sigh, we miss you, 2006.

The poker community mehs

The poker community seemed shocked and surprised with the announcement as many players voiced their concerns to BonusCodePoker.

“Vanessa was always a pleasure to have in my tournaments and I wish her the best moving forward,” noted Matt Savage.

“What? I thought she retired like 8 or 9 year ago,” commented Liv Boeree.

“What does this have to do with Phil Hellmuth?” added Phil Hellmuth.

“On ya bike!” yelled Tony G.

Rousso weighs in

According to her Rousso’s Twitter she actually stopped playing poker last year and is now a full-time DJ… right. Also, it now looks like she’s maybe dating a girl? Huh, funny old world ain’t it?

Rousso’s tournament scores dropped off severely in the years after Black Friday. Analysts predict that’s because right around 2011 poker got hard as fuuuuuccckkkk.

We were able to sit down with Vanessa for an exclusive interview. She had this to say:

“It is with a heavy heart and platinum blonde hair that I leave the poker world behind. I am beginning the next phase of my life, which sadly doesn’t involve PokerStars cutting me a $100,000 check each month for like.. no reason. I’m taking my sideways trucker hats and aviators and I’m off to finally do something meaningful with my life – to become a super famous DJ. Good-bye. Good luck. One love.”

Wow, what an inspiration.

Rousso also competed on season 8 of Big Brother, one of the most popular shows in this country despite the fact that no one you know watches it.


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