The debate about who belongs on the list of best poker players will rage on forever. The ugly head of variance will always cause a rotation at the top. However, we felt it was important to salute those players who will always come up short. Here are our picks for the five worst poker players of all time:

#1 – John Wright

With no known tournament cashes, Wright is known for his quick and terrible exits from live tournaments. Known as “Wrong Way” for his propensity to deal to his right, most of his struggles stem from a fascination for bluffing in all spots. His few wins are always at the expense of players who just sat down at the table. He has bluffed all-in against royal flushes TWICE in his career.

#2 – Robert Lewis Anderson

Anderson will go to the river as often as his stack allows. He has no remorse or pity or fear, and he absolutely will not stop – ever – until he has called all the way down. He often rants about betrayals he suffered earlier in life, and how he cannot stand it when people lie.

#3 – Dave March

Source: PokerStars

March makes the list for reasons besides his weak-tight play and pathological desire to check-raise any big hands. He is the unofficial king of tableside eating, and he makes no bones about spreading his food particles in a five-foot radius around his seat. March is banned from Caesars and Pinnacle properties due to the immense cleaning bills that follow when he plays.

#4 – Mike McDermott from Rounders

Alright, so this one is cheating a bit because he doesn’t actually exist. But, come on! The protagonist of the greatest poker movie of all time practices some of the worst money management skills in history. Borrowing $10,000 to play poker so that you don’t get killed by the Russian mob may redefine the notion of scared money. Plus, he gets back to even by coolering Teddy KGB and decides his next step is to turn professional. He should’ve stuck to law school and Joey Knish’s truck.

#5 – Phil Hellmuth

Source: Neil Stoddart

I don’t care that he has more WSOP bracelets than anyone else. Hellmuth sucks.

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