Las Vegas, NV – Poker superstar Daniel Negreanu and poker sortastar Doug Polk have been feuding for years. It all started with something about rake, we think. In a recent stream, Daniel Negreanu threatened one of his viewers. When he failed to apologize fully, Doug Polk got involved? Somehow? We’re not sure why. Can anybody explain to us how this managed to become about Doug? Anyway, now Daniel and Doug are fighting again, because why not. Finally, in an act of tremendous courage, Doug decided he needed this to be over. He challenged Negreanu to a duel: pistols at dawn. A little background, in case you’re unaware: “Wild” Doug Polk is widely considered to have the fastest draw in the west. The marksman developed his skill shooting in his backyard while open-seated at high-stakes heads-up no-limit hold’em tables where no one would play him. He had a lot of time on his hands, so he is deadly with a pistol. “This internet ain’t big enough for the two of us,” said Polk, who also has the tallest hair in the west. Danny The Kid, on the other hand, is a mere novice. Sure, he’s good at Duck Hunt. But he hasn’t dueled in a decade, and he never did it often. Doug, however, was feared for both his speed and his accuracy (and like our grandpappy told us, speed is fine, but accuracy is final). But Danny The Kid was angry! Doug had disrespected him and his lady, and Danny didn’t take kindly to that. We asked Doug why he felt it was important to settle his score with Danny once and for all. “I really wanted to prove to everyone that I’m better than this guy who knows I’m better than him. That is really important to me. Also, I want him dead for some reason. Because I hate him? I don’t exactly remember why, but I'm pretty sure I do. Maybe something about rake?” We’ll be sure to report on the duel the moment it happens. Or maybe not if it’s boring. Or we forget. Or fall asleep.

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